I'll admit it. I'm a hopeless romantic. I love when the nerd slicks down his hair, hides flowers behind his back and strums a song for the girl on the third floor.
I'm definitely feeling the latter right now as I think about Noah leaving the show last week. In fact, five minutes before this week's episode began my buddies and I are all discussing the humor of a guy leaving his dreams on the table for a woman.
Oh Noah, will you ever win?
Only in movies does it seem right to abandon your hopes to chase the woman you love. Why? Because in the real world things just aren't that simple. In the real world she takes a different job in a different state. In the real world she grows tired of your binge drinking at age 35. In the real world she gets fat … yeah I said it. In the real world you get fat too, you fudge-loving tub of guts.
Minutes after discussing this and posturing like dudes that never let women get under our skin, we got to laugh again as just about everyone on TUF discussed Noah's sad departure.
The best line of the bunch was Tito's, who said, "become world champion and then let the women chase you."
Huzzah Tito.
(Actually that's all really easy to say since I'm not Noah and I'm sure his situation is very real and stark. But here's some advice for all you white belts in romance: If the girl looks to disrupt your dreams, cut her loose. I mean even if you really want to become the world's most competitive hot dog eater … don't let your girl Heather tell you that you look like a dumb pig. Tell Heather to go fall down some stairs. Heather is dead weight.)
Moving on. Since Noah left, Jesse Forbes was chosen to return. Noah beat Jesse early on so he was the obvious replacement. Ken Shamrock (Pictures) is ecstatic to see one of his boys back and Team Ortiz seethes at the idea of a former loser getting an automatic semifinals spot.
Tito decides to take his boys out for sushi to take their minds off the change in team dynamic. They eat raw fish and laugh — while I try not to remember last year's bout of sashimi food poisoning.
If you will remember last week a fight was set up but nothing happened. Tait Fletcher (Pictures) and Josh Haynes (Pictures) were chosen to fight. Since Noah's drama knocked out last week's action, we finally get to see these two prepare for an Octagon meeting.
Tait seems like a pretty laidback cat that is ready to just roll with the punches, no pun intended. Josh is laidback too, but seems to be pretty riled up on account of his family. I wanted to puke while watching The Contender since half the contestants played the family card and you couldn't get through a segment without seeing a "WORLD'S GREATEST DAD" hat.
TUF was a bit different though, as we see that Josh's child has been through the ringer physically and obviously dad draws great strength from his kids. Never bet against an angry dad.
As both men prepare to battle they have a little fun and throw a bottle at each other. The joke is over though since the bottle happens to bounce off Josh's left eye leaving a potentially dumb cut for fight day. Both men seem pretty perturbed that it happened but they stay amiable with each other. Tait still takes time to clown Josh's blue hair by calling him a "smurf."
Yes, Josh may look like Hefty Smurf, with his pina colada snow cone hair, but that leaves Tait open for a Gargamel comparison from me.
The fight arrives and Tait seems to be the favored fighter with his long reach advantage against the much shorter Josh. The coaches both agree that Josh could have a better stand-up game than Tait but that the ground is Tait's world.
The first round begins with both men moving and throwing. Josh fires off a few heavy short punches and Tait goes to his back. Josh inexplicably enters Tait's guard and I feel the fight may be over soon. Sure enough Tait climbs with his legs to secure armbar/choke position but Josh is able to slip out and take it back to standing. The remainder of the first round finds both men jockeying for under hooks and trying to get position.
The first few minutes of the second round were much of the same, clinching and looking for position. But once again Tait ends up on the bottom and immediately begins transitioning for submissions. Josh is almost caught in an armbar but is able to wiggle out. Yet once again Tait is on him like stink on a monkey and continues to set up submissions. He looks to have a triangle choke sunk but time runs out.
Josh and Tait are all prepared for the extra round until Marc Ratner, the now former chief of the Nevada State Athletic Commission who officially took his position with the UFC this week, realizes that the fight has yet to be judged. After looking at the scorecards it is announced that the fight is over and Josh Haynes (Pictures) has won a close decision.
Tait keeps his chin up and hopes to come back another day. Since this episode was nothing but a do over for last week's skipped fight, there isn't much to talk about.
I would like to take this time to say that hiring the aforementioned Marc Ratner for UFC Vice President of Government and Regulatory Affairs is a stellar move. Kudos to the UFC for continuing to try and streamline their company to fit the exploding demands of their product.
I've been a fan of the UFC since day one but back in those days it was a joke. These guys are really making great strides to turn this into not just a profitable entity but a legitimate one as well.