So there I was. The Ultimate Fighter had just finished and I walked into my room, cracked my knuckles and began to write a critique so stirring that it would cause even the staunchest of MMA detractors to weep in their hands. When I got to be about halfway through my column, I went back to the VCR to do a little fact checking when my Sri Lankan roommate called out to me.
We both began to laugh heartily (we are colossal jerks) our neighbors parked and ran foolishly in the howling winds. Since I was raised in Tornado Alley, I knew immediately that the drop in pressure meant something was a cookin'. I flipped over to the major networks and saw that we had been in a tornado warning all night, which my cable TV priorities had kept me out of the loop. The local weather dork showed his Doppler map and the 75-mile-per-hour winds that accompanied it.
I turned back around and watched one of my college-age neighbors get out of his car, grab his dog and run into his apartment … 10 seconds later he was back out digging in his trunk while my roommate yelled at him. We laughed. Then we saw that he had gone back for his beer. We nod at each other in solemn admiration.
A minute or so later we watched as the lights went out in the buildings surrounding us. In domino like fashion one by one they fell and sure enough our power was soon gone. My first instinct was to think of what was in the fridge — fat guys do that. My next thought was "oh prunes, my article!"
Of course I hadn't saved anything and all my precious words were gone. I had to sit down and write this heap of crap by hand. I wrote almost all of it by candlelight, Ben Franklin style. I don't think I've written more than a paragraph by hand in 10 years. I'm a child of Nintendo. I don't write. I can't even do cursive. I was crushed. I'm pretty sure I wrote all of this with my tongue hanging out like a 6-year-old on a blackboard.
OK, so now we can get to the show. If you remember, last week Mr. Bisping jumped on Kristian early and then picked him apart for his spot in the semifinals.
All week the ads showed that Shamrock and Ortiz were headed towards their first real dustup, so there was that to look forward to.
Right off the bat Solomon Hutcherson called out Rory Singer. Solomon has been busting Rory's balls all season and has an allegiance with Kendall Grove, a member of the opposite team. Solomon and Kendall make for quite a pair. They've been enjoying their own inside jokes and schemes while the rest of us have suffered through the terribly unentertaining cleverness of said jokes. Their rallying cry of "Team Dagger" has bored millions. Meanwhile Rory seems to have kept his cool and just sticks to business.
Ken Shamrock (Pictures) decides to actually have a training day, which causes a few small injuries. Tito remarks that it is his plan to sit back and let Ken overtrain his guys in order to make up for the last three losses. Tito puts his men through all sorts of sport-specific drills that reenact real fight scenarios, like having to stand-up when your balled against the fence. While Ken's team trains, Tito's team receives a package at the house. Both teams are awarded with cell phones from Amp'd, which allow the guys to watch UFC 57 and offers some old-fashioned product placement.
Ed Herman (Pictures) and Josh Haynes (Pictures) are a couple of Randy Couture (Pictures)'s pupils and they are crushed to see him lose to Chuck Liddell (Pictures). They step outside to commiserate and Ed becomes more determined to win for his mentor.
Back at the UFC training center this week's fight announcement is made. Tito chooses Rory to face Solomon. Of course Solomon is happy that he gets to fight the guy he hates and Rory is relieved to not have to face Ed Herman (Pictures), who he was a bit more worried about.
After this decision we finally get to see the first Shamrock-Ortiz flare up. How did it go? Poorly. The more that Shamrock talked the more I feel they should just cut off his microphone. I can't help but think that being on this show will hurt his popularity immensely, and I'm a big fan. You'd think a guy that was in the WWE could come up with something better than "I'm going to crush your little head" and "shut up monkey." Tito doesn't fare much better and halfway through it I want to pee on my TV to make it all stop.
Afterwards the tension bleeds over and Bisping and Solomon almost come to blows. The nonsense continues as once back at the house Solomon continues to run his mouth about his nemesis, Rory. Rory sits back and allows Solomon to mock him and keep up the whole "I'm going to do this and this" banter that some fighters are so fond of. Rory seems to want to take the higher road, but does get in a few jibes of his own.
The next training day Solomon seems quite confidant that he's going to put it on Rory. Rory's teammates and coach are a bit concerned about where his head's at. Tito is a tad worried about his fight pick. Back at the house Kendall and Solomon plot Rory's demise.
I can appreciate that the two have become fast friends but what happens when they have to fight each other? I'm just saying.
Both Rory and Solomon show up on fight day looking ready to rumble. Rory is said to be the submission guy while Solomon is a strong wrestler. Right at the bell he rushes Rory and slams him on his back, yep good wrestler. Rory spends the majority of round one on his back working to get a submission.
Solomon does well by pressing the violence and getting the occasional great punch or elbow in. Several times he escapes Rory's guard and drops heavy punches from the top. Rory is getting a bit roughed up, but he maintains his composure and continues to work for a better position.
Referee Herb Dean (Pictures) eventually stands the guys up and once again Solomon rushes Rory into the fence. Rory is able to stifle any takedown and waits until the bell rings.
Solomon is gassed and Shamrock tells him to suck it up for another round. Tito tells his boy to look for head kicks, spotting a weakness. The next round begins and as they begin to size each other up, Tito calls for that leg kick and Rory complies.
Solomon gets a shin/calf to the temple and while it didn't look clean it did the job. He is dazed and his legs splay out as he falls on his rump. Rory seizes the moment and jumps down and starts pouring on punches. After the second one someone yells "he's hurt" and sure enough Solomon is going out while Rory gives him two more for good measure.
Herb Dean (Pictures) jumps in and the fight is over. Rory is ecstatic since he's eliminated the mouth of the house that has been antagonizing him. He celebrates with Team Ortiz while Solomon tries to figure out happened. He can't believe he's lost and good television triumphs since the guy running his trap gets his trap closed. People love this sort of thing.
Well friends, there you have it. The quiet warrior shut up the loudmouth. Tito once again clowned his foe. I wrote by candlelight like Francis Scott Key must have done and the best news, my frozen pizzas didn't spoil!
Merry Mixed Martial Arts to all and to all a goodnight.