Sherdog.com duelists Mike Sloan and Steven Curtis go head-to-head once again in a debate over which heavyweight will reign supreme on Saturday at UFC 81. In one of the most intriguing matchups in recent memory, former UFC heavyweight champion Frank Mir (Pictures) will try to snap former pro wrestler Brock Lesnar (Pictures)'s arm like a carrot.
Mike Sloan: Hey, Steven, my good friend. Ya know, I never thought I'd actually be muttering these words, but I am 100-percent certain that a former WWE champion will tear apart a former UFC champion in the next UFC.
Yes, Brock Lesnar (Pictures) spent his entire professional career stomping on the canvas to make his "punches" sound hard, throwing muscle-bound men across the ring after they jumped with his throws and witnessing dozens upon dozens of referees get clobbered by the evil fiends of Vince McMahon's creation.
It may come across like utter blasphemy, but I truly believe that a man who has only one professional mixed martial arts bout is going to flat out embarrass Frank Mir (Pictures), a man who was once hailed by none other than Josh Gross as the person who will be the first to win world titles in MMA, boxing, K-1, Brazilian jiu-jitsu and badminton simultaneously. Well, Josh never actually said it, but there was a ton of hype surrounding Mir at one point. [Editor's Note: I could sue for libel, Sloan. Chumming the water won't entice me out of GSD retirement, buddy.]
Since then, the former UFC poster boy wrecked his motorcycle, shattered his leg and had to endure an arduous recovery, both mentally and physically. Mir has taken his lumps from the fans and media (I'm guilty), but he finally seems to be in the best shape of his life since his "breakout" performance against the hulking Tim Sylvia (Pictures).
(Yes, Steven, my horrible puns and jokes are in full swing because I'm in a festive mood. This will be my sixth straight win in the Great Sherdog Debate and your third straight loss. Unbeaten Mike Fridley promised me he'd give me another crack at his record after I dispose of your rotten carcass, so I'm doubly pumped for this.)
Oh, wait: I almost forgot to explain why Lesnar will win.
Well, it's easy. Lesnar is beyond strong and he's Bob Sapp (Pictures) huge. His immense strength will prevent him from being submitted by some lousy armbar or triangle, so he'll just drag Mir around the Octagon for a while. Right on cue, 2:20 into the fight, Mir will show signs of fatigue, and by the time 3:58 into the first round rolls around, Mir will be his typical exhausted self, unable to do anything.
He'll survive the round, but his energy-depleted body will become an easy target later for a brutal double-leg scoop-slam, and Mir will be pounded until the referee halts it. I'm even calling the time: 57 seconds into the second round, Lesnar wins.
Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake will then run into the Octagon and cut Mir's locks.
Steven Curtis: As we enter round three of our debate, I kind of feel like Frank Mir (Pictures), circa mid-2007. Or is it Tank Abbott today?
Having had my butt handed to me in the last two rounds, I'm still in there swingin' and looking for redemption. And I think you're giving me a great shot here by picking "Captain WWE."
C'mon, Mike. Do you honestly believe a guy could essentially walk off the street, hop in the Octagon and beat the former champ! Sure, Lesnar was a great collegiate wrestler, but you know as well as anybody that wrestling is just one tool in the MMA toolbox. While I'll admit that Mir still hasn't shown his head is truly back in the game, he's still years ahead of Lesnar in experience, skill and ring generalship. He's beaten guys as good on the ground as Brock and better on the feet.
Mir also seems to be in shape these days, which is certainly something new. Don't you think he will be hyper-motivated on Saturday? Do you think he will tolerate losing to a guy who trained with Vince McMahon and the Undertaker?
I agree with you on a round two close to this fight. But it's going to be Frank who hangs back while Lesnar looks for the home run. Brock is going to be making plenty of rookie mistakes on Saturday, and Mir only needs to capitalize on one of them to win. Just one missed sunset flip, or suplex, or figure-four leg lock, and it's over.
While Lesnar scrambles around the Octagon, looking for a folding chair to hit Mir over the head with in round two, Mir will apply a triangle choke. Lesnar will look to his corner for Tony Garrea or Chief Jay Strongbow or anyone who might help. Roddy Piper will throw in the towel, and Brock will join Johnnie Morton (Pictures) and Giant Silva as charter members of the "MMA ain't no joke" club.
War Mir!
Tim Sylvia (Pictures) vs. Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira (Pictures)
Sloan: If a man named Fedor never existed, we'd probably all be saying that
"Minotauro" is the greatest of all time. Well, maybe not, but he's damn close. Too bad Tim "The Perennial Heel" Sylvia will play it too safe and keep the well-worn Brazilian away with his cautious boxing and the take-no-risks attitude he's adopted over the years. Sylvia by boring decision. Man, remember when Sylvia's fights were awesome? I think that was in the Roosevelt administration.
Curtis: Shoot, I was hoping you'd take the Nog bait on this one. I'm 100 percent with you: As much as I respect Nogueira, Tim has shown he's very good at finding a way to win. Nogueira also looks to be on the downside of his career anyway, as evidenced by his fight against Heath Herring (Pictures). No way Heath gets to him like that three years ago. I suspect UFC officials will be passing around "This Ain't Japan" notes at cage-side once again. The PRIDE fall continues, as Sylvia wins by decision.