All week long I've been asked the following question: "Dude, does Junie's brother end up on the show or what?"
"Everyone just likes to sit around and be nice guys and socialize; that’s not who I am” says Browning, to open this week’s episode of “The Ultimate Fighter.” “They ain't going to like me if I’m in this house for six weeks."
So, that's it. People want to know if Browning will see his hand raised in victory. If not, we can look forward to watching the Yanks and Brits go at each other's throats. If so, then who cares if it's U.K. vs. U.S.A.? Both teams will have to endure a lot of late night jug draining and basically take a backseat in the General Lee while it does donuts in the yard until Dana "Boss Hogg" White shows up to act surprised and drop f-bombs.
The Americans are the first to arrive in the TUF house and right away the opposing Team UK-Team USA murals put a charge in the air.
While the Americans soak it all in, the Brits show up and are greeted warmly with a "Cheeky monkeys" welcome and handshakes all around. For now, everyone is getting along just swimmingly.
“I was expecting quite a lot of heat, but to be honest everyone seems pretty cool, so it’s all good,” says Brit Martin Stapleton.
Of course, it will take a while to get used to the accents for some in the house.
“I just got to smile and nod at you guys, dude," says American Kiel Reid.
Browning does his part to get to know everyone, begging the boys to join him for some shots. The cocktails start to flow, while a few of the guys check out the backyard and basketball court. It doesn't take long for the first salvo to be fired, as eggs start to splat all over the place. Browning is on the balcony making his presence known.
“Are we doing that already?” someone asks, as they try to figure out what's going on.
Tensions rise quickly and some fighters are already muttering to themselves that they don’t want to put up with Browning’s crap.
“By the way, Rob is Junie Browning’s little brother, so that alone, the expectations of shenanigans are pretty high," says teammate Santino Defranco. “He didn’t disappoint.”
Browning’s behavior continues to escalate and soon he's in someone’s face, calling them a b--ch and threatening to whip asses. It ends with Browning whizzing in the shower.
“What’s a drain?” laments Browning, trying to defend his reasoning that it all goes the same place.
He then launches into the tried and true "Hit me and see what happens,” at countryman Jason Pierce, who refuses to be baited into a fight. Browning is so hell bent on getting something started that it is almost too contrived to believe.
Pierce is left rubbing his face, while Browning heads out for some loner hoops on the basketball court. While Browning dribbles, the rest of the house decides to have an impromptu meeting outside to negotiate peaceful talks between the parties. It is decided that this season no one will mess with anyone's food, and that furthermore, "no p--s, s--t, blood or boogers" will be used. Just like the Treaty of Paris. It is also agreed by both parties that Jason Dent will simply have to do the right thing by everyone and beat Browning in their fight so that he doesn't get to spend another night in the house.
Poor Dent. It’s not like the guy has enough pressure trying to fight his way into the UFC on national television.
After that long night, the U.S. squad starts their first day of training. Coach Dan Henderson has his guys focus on the ground game, convinced that wrasslin' will be the U.K. team's weakest department. That could be, but when Bisping's boys show up for their session, they seem to be tossing each other around like a bunch of dandy Dan Gables. It's also clear that Bisping is going to be the spark that ignites a fire between these two teams. He wastes no time trying to get into the heads of the opposing side by teasing Damarques Johnson for his inspirational team talk in the kitchen of the Ultimate Training Center.
Johnson doesn't take the ribbing very well and it begins to eat at him.
“Don’t kick the dog,” says Johnson, adding, “Bisping’s like that proud parent at a church basketball game that I got into a fist fight with."
Later in his close-up for the cameras, Johnson even says Coach Bisping “can take all the pride and shove it up your British ass."
Oh dear.
It's also becoming clear that the U.K. team thinks they are being considered the underdogs and they seem to relish it.
Back at the house, Browning sidles up to the Brits and tries to get in good with them. He claims to be on their side as they all sit around a table. Not all are impressed.
James Wilks gives Browning the nickname “15 Min," stating that's all he really wants.
It’s on to fight time, as four fighters still need to secure their places in the house. Up first are Americans Kiel Reid and Frankie Lester.
“It’s easier to punch a head than a clock,” says Reid, talking about his love for the sport. Iowan Reid enters the competition from the Miletich camp, while his opponent hails from Cali.
“I’m a former soldier; I want to fight for my country. I want represent Team USA,” says a patriotic Lester.
As the two enter the Octagon, Coach Henderson leans over to Bisping.
“Are you bummed you’re not in the house this time?” he asks.
Dana laughs as Bisping rolls his eyes and replies, “Yeah, I’m devastated.”
The fight starts and Reid’s first punch lands flush, knocking Lester on his butt. Reid goes to work on Lester against the fence, trying to set up shop for some ground-and-pound. Lester makes it back to his feet and Reid attempts a standing guillotine. Lester eats a solid knee, but it separates him from Reid. With some distance between the two, Lester lands a left hook that drops Reid to a knee. Reid immediately rushes forward for a single leg.
Watch 1,000 fights and you might not see the bizarre sequence of events that happens next. With Reid grabbing on for a double-leg, Lester grabs a wrist to set up a Kimura. At the same time, Reid decides to elevate him for a slam. With Lester positioned a little more horizontally than vertical, Reid delivers a devastating knockout blow as the two hit the mat -- only he’s the one that goes out.
Lester doesn’t realize that Reid is out and he continues with the Kimura, brutalizing the shoulder of the unconscious Reid.
Eventually the cageside spectators make enough racket to get referee Steve Mazzagatti to jump in and wave it off. Reid wakes up in a daze and can’t figure out what has happened. When he’s told the story, he doesn’t take it well and lashes out at Lester.
“You know you can’t beat me,” says Reid.
“I just did,” counters Lester, going a little overboard with his celebration.
Lester secures his place in the TUF house while Reid is left in shock in the locker room repeating, "I beat myself.”
“Unlucky, it was a shame.” says Bisping. “He’s lucky his arm didn’t break,” adds Henderson.
Next up is Rob Browning and Jason Dent. Browning comes in a little lighter for the show, as he naturally fights at 135 pounds.
Despite the size difference, Browning doesn’t look half bad on his feet. He throws some fairly decent power punches with sharp leg kicks. Dent returns some good kicks of his own, but chooses to cover up instead of engage Browning in a standup battle. Browning takes several shots, but Dent stuffs them with ease.
After a good push kick or two, Browning attempts another takedown and once again Dent pushes him down. However, this time he decides to throw a punch or two in return and Browning begins to fold. Dent starts to take over.
Instead of taking Browning's back, Dent uses nasty knees to the body and is content to pound away on Browning’s head while he turtles up. Curled up in a ball, Browning has no answer and lets Dent beat on him until the fight is called midway through the first round.
“I felt sorry for Rob actually. I didn’t think I would, but I’m still happy to see him go,” says Brit Wilks afterward.
Wilks isn’t the only one.
“I was happy to see him go, because I didn’t want to deal with another Junie Browning this season,” says Coach Henderson.
On the way out of the Octagon, Browning stops and whispers into UFC President Dana White’s ear.
“135, here I come," he says.
Now that the witch is dead, Dent and Pierce are handed their U.S. team jerseys. White then brings them all together for a chat. A coin is flipped to see who will be choosing the first matchup and the U.S. squad wins. Bisping smirks and announces that his team is ready to fight anyone right now.
And there you have it. No Browning will be around for you to concoct drinking games from, but fear not, because a man who knows his history knows that it repeats itself one way or another. Treaties were made to be broken and I'll bet you that some boogers will find their way into someone's kidney pie before you know it.