For one week only, this column should be appropriately retitled, “The Life and Times of Junie Allen Browning.”
Spike had been running ads all week that showed Junie having a breakdown, but the foreshadowing was even stronger in this episode. Right out of the gate, Browning said, “As long as I can keep my head on straight, I know I’ll be one of the best fighters in the world eventually.”
After a night of watching B.J. Penn outclass Sean Sherk, Browning and teammate Shane Nelson elected to guzzle a bottle of vino as opposed to savoring the nose and tone. As a result, they began to antagonize the other fighters and generally berate Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira’s team.
Browning decided to get into a snack fight with Kyle Kingsbury that began with popcorn and ended with a tossed glass. Kingsbury got a cut on his arm and was understandably pissed considering the wrong kind of wound, no matter how simple, could send him packing.
“I can’t remember the last time I had to restrain myself that much,” Kingsbury said.
Browning was convinced he was on his way home thanks to the glass, but he was far from finished.
“You’d think like after something dramatic like that, Junie would mellow out and start trying to save his ass,” said Roli Delgado. “Yeah, not so much.”
Roli weighed in on Junie’s drunken buddy, Shane Nelson, too by noting that he has the alcohol tolerance of “a 12-year-old girl.”
Nelson had to get his peacock strut in, too, and he bowed up to Delgado for no reason or, if you’re drunk, a million of them.
“I’m going to smash you,” said Nelson to the next focus of his drunken rage, Efrain Escudero.
Escudero just smirked as Nelson tried to bait him into a fight. Then began the usual antics of all TUF boozehounds with the requisite destruction of outdoor property -- coffee tables smashed along with all sorts of property thrown into the pool.
Eventually the more sober and mature of the group stepped up as Krzysztof Soszynski decided he had seen enough and confronted Browning. Browning threatened the 205-pounders by calling them bullies. Naturally this sent Junie into his most extreme tirade, which got him cuffed around and his clothes thrown into the pool.
“You’re a b--ch,” said Browning to Soszynski, but big boy wasn’t having anymore of this.
Soszynski snapped back: “You’re the biggest b--ch of them all. You dish it out, but you can’t take s---.”
Browning seemed to take his words to heart, but oops, there went his clothes into the pool again. Browning was out of his mind over the clothes issue, and things escalated to the point that he was pushing, kicking and punching at anyone in his way.
Time for Browning's alcohol emotional rollercoaster to make its descent toward earth.
“I don’t know what the f--- is wrong with me,” said Browning as he began to weep and hug everyone again.
“Just because you have these and this,” said Soszynski, holding up his fists and pointing downward before pointing to his head, “doesn’t mean you have this.”
The next day Dana White was in the house for his usual rant, and as usual, it was hilarious.
“We give you guys alcohol because you’re grown men,” said White. “It also gives the ability to look in and see who’s a f---up, and you’re definitely a f---up.”
Browning put his head in his hands as White continued: “Super talented guy and a complete jackass when you drink.”
Then White turned his attention to Shane Nelson: “Where’s Shane?”
Here.
“You’re a drunken retard too.”
Maybe my favorite quote so far. White told Nelson that since he was so hell-bent on fighting, he was going to make sure that Nelson fights next. White later mused that he didn’t understand why he was letting the two stay on the show, but they could remain. Probably for the same reason that you pack a linen closet full of hard liquor, sir -- exploitation for the greater ratings.
Sure enough, Nelson was chosen to fight next, and his opponent was Efrain Escudero, one of the victims of Nelson’s bottle-enhanced bravado from the night before. Both were confident they would win of course. Escudero is one of the better wrestlers on the show, but Frank Mir was confident that Nelson’s stand-up and sub game would rule the day. Back at the house, Junie was talking smack with Escudero, letting him know that he won’t be winning. For someone that wasn’t fighting, Browning was taking this matchup a little too personally.
After all his blustering, Nelson let Escudero push the pace during most of their fight. It was a very active first round, but Escudero worked a little harder. Both men traded fairly evenly with some heavy knees to the body that seemed to take a toll on Nelson’s energy level. Escudero got the better of most of the exchanges, but a late ankle lock attempt had Escudero flopping onto his back to escape.
Nelson landed in Escudero’s guard with just a minute or so left. Escudero made his move and slipped on a triangle choke that had Nelson in trouble. Nelson rolled over onto his back, but that only made things worse as Escudero sat on his neck to finish the choke with only a few seconds remaining.
“I kind of baited him in to grab my leg,” said Escudero after Nelson fell into his trap.
Escudero didn’t get to celebrate long, as Junie just couldn’t stand to see him smile.
“That’s exactly what the fu--ing UFC needs -- another boring-ass wrestler,” screamed Browning.
Browning kept up his tirade as Nogueira assured Escudero that Browning was next on their list. Browning decided to leap over the Octagon wall and lunge for Escudero just as the episode ended. To be continued to next week.