Minute by Minute: UFC 78 ‘Validation’
Jake Rossen Nov 19, 2007
As if bad weather and attitudinal neighbors weren't enough,
Northeastern fans of the Ultimate Fighting Championship suffered
further indignities with UFC 78: Validation, the latest in a string
of woefully mediocre Atlantic Coast events.
At this rate, the UFC's first show at Madison Square Garden will be headlined by a taped replay of Ken Shamrock (Pictures)-Dan Severn (Pictures) II.
For those of you who passed up the show in favor of more exciting
activities -- like sleeping, or perhaps post-bar run vomiting --
consider skimming this lowlight reel. Factually irresponsible
coverage, after all, is what the Internet was made for.
9:55 p.m. Moments before the show begins, customers are treated to a pre-fight barker program that tries desperately to attach meaning to the main event.
10:03 p.m. We're inside the freshly constructed Prudential Center in Newark, N.J. According to Wikipedia, Newark is the birthplace of Marvin Hagler, which is cool, and Ian Ziering, which is really not very cool at all.
10:04 p.m. "Bisping was rude at the weigh-ins," observes color commentator Joe Rogan. That animal!
10:05 p.m. Viewers are invited to contribute to a cell phone poll to gauge predictions for the somnolent main event. Thirty percent vote Bisping, 42 percent vote Evans and 28 percent are curious why an episode of "The Ultimate Fighter" is costing them $40.
10:06 p.m. "Houston Alexander (Pictures) is hoping to validate his meteoric rise," says a cliché-spouting Goldberg, the string on his back apparently stuck.
10:08 p.m. Frankie "the Answer" Edgar versus Spencer Fisher (Pictures) is coming up. Edgar is 7-0 and a hometown Jersey boy, which means he'll have approximately 14,000 more friends in the building than Fisher.
10:14 p.m. The Tale of the Tape is brought to you by Xyience, a company alleged to peddle tainted supplements and stiff fighters on sponsorship wages. One can imagine Larry Merchant having something to say about that, which is precisely why you'll never see the UFC on HBO.
10:16 p.m. Edgar is aggressive, scoring two takedowns and landing elbows. Fisher appears overwhelmed.
10:18 p.m. "No pun intended, but what's the answer for Edgar?" says Goldberg, who knows damn well that every pun of his is intended.
10:20 p.m. Round one ends. You could make the case it was 10-8 Edgar. Fisher mounted no offense whatsoever.
10:21 p.m. Fisher's corner helpfully advises him to continue the fight in another town.
10:22 p.m. Round two. Edgar gets a takedown. And another. And another.
10:27 p.m. Round two ends. Another 10-8 performance from Edgar?
10:31 p.m. Round three sees takedown No. 8. There have been more tackles in this fight than the 1992 Olympic Trials.
10:33 p.m. Fight's over. Edgar wins a decision in a workmanlike performance. One judge, seeing at least one of the rounds 10-8, scores it 30-26.
Another judge, Jersey-based, wrote "awesome" in the scoring box for Edgar and "sucks" in the box for Fisher, reinforcing the commission's need to screen officials better.
10:36 p.m. "Only 37 days until Christmas," threatens Goldberg, who urges viewers to buy UFCjunk collectibles on ufcstore.com.
I was in a sporting goods store recently and caught sight of an Everlast heavy bag emblazoned with the Ultimate logo; at $150, it was at a 100 percent markup from a standard-issue bag. Capitalism at its finest.
10:37 p.m. Trainer "Juanito Ibarra is sitting right next to Quinton Jackson (Pictures)," says Goldberg. Only it's not Juanito at all, but a random someone who might share Ibarra's Mexican heritage. Oops.
10:40 p.m. Continuing the tradition of rematches no one asked for (Horn-Sonnen, Eastman-Jackson, Herring-Nogueira, etc.), it's time for the Ed Herman (Pictures)-Joe Doerksen (Pictures) return engagement. (In fairness, Doerksen is a late replacement for the easily stricken David Terrell (Pictures).)
"Now I'm a full-grown man, so he's going to have his hands a little more full," says Herman, in a rather unfortunate choice of words.
10:44 p.m. Herman enters the arena sporting huge headphones, the kind normally seen on airline workers directing 747s through runways. He should've loaned them to Fisher.
10:47 p.m. Doerksen has "39 wins and 10 losses … he's got 49 victories," says Rogan, who then takes another lick of a Cane toad's belly.
10:49 p.m. The fight opens with a big exchange; Herman looks good putting combos together and mixing up his strikes.
10:52 p.m. Round one expires. An easy nod for Herman's aggression.
10:56 p.m. The fighters trade back mount in the most compelling scramble of the night.
10:58 p.m. Out of nowhere, Doerksen gets a tight triangle-armbar combination at the bell. Herman returns to his corner and listens to some salient advice from the numerous Tweety Birds surrounding his head.
11:00 p.m. Herman connects early in round three for the KO, making that almost-submission of Doerksen's all the more poignant.
11:03 p.m. Removing his mouthpiece, Herman displays a huge string of drool to the crowd, Alien Queen style. The crowd jeers in repulsion; even Herman seems a little grossed out.
11:05 p.m. We're given a preview of Forrest Griffin (Pictures)'s upcoming guest spot on "Law and Order." In a De Niro-esque bit of chameleon acting, Griffin will play a cage fighter.
How times have changed: used to be that the nadir of MMA mainstream appearances was a slot on "Walker, Texas Ranger," where Chuck Norris would deliver a lecture on morally responsible behavior shortly before kicking you in the groin.
11:08 p.m. Ryo Chonan (Pictures) wears a mask to the ring. That's considerate of him.
11:10 p.m. Karo Parisyan (Pictures) comes out to "Bad to the Bone," a recent top-10 hit in Armenia.
11:19 p.m. Five minutes in. Parisyan gets the nod for round one by staying busy and maintaining top position, but it's far from the spectacle some were predicting.
11:22 p.m. Round two: Parisyan catches a kick for a takedown, but Chonan pops right back up.
11:24 p.m. Another takedown by Karo. Elbows.
11:27 p.m. Groin kick by Karo, but no lecture.
11:29 p.m. Mount by Karo, but Ryo reverses. The crowd boos.
11:32 p.m. Fight's over. Karo nabs a 30-27 decision. He apologizes to matchmaker Joe Silva and, later, to the crowd for a lackluster performance.
I remain bummed that Karo's original opponent, judo animal Hector Lombard (Pictures), didn't make it. If it ever happens, I will pre-emptively declare it Fight of the Year.
11:35 p.m. Lightweight contender B.J. Penn (Pictures) is seen texting on his cell phone, presumably weighing in on Bisping-Evans.
11:38 p.m. Houston Alexander (Pictures)-Thiago Silva (Pictures) is up next. Rogan and Goldberg extort the virtues of Silva's jiu-jitsu and how Alexander will be tested.
11:42 p.m. Silva enters to Portuguese rap. The crowd, catching sight of the umpteenth ‘Silva' in the UFC, is distressed to see that he is neither black, possessed of a tattoo on his head or angrily crumpling up a note from David Terrell (Pictures)'s doctor.
11:46 p.m. Alexander enters. The man is a media profiler's dream: six kids, one donated kidney and a reformed break-dancer.
The crowd is behind him, eager to cling to the next invincible mauler now that Chuck Liddell (Pictures) has cooled. Rogan emphasizes Alexander's "power-lifting" physique and immense strength, which stopped being an asset in MMA right around 1995.
11:51 p.m. Haimov Watches sponsors the first round. This is getting a bit ridiculous.
11:52 p.m. Alexander bucks expectations by clinching with Silva. He scores a takedown, but Silva gets up and gets one of his own.
11:53 p.m. Silva gets mount. In the background, a ring official rubs his bacteria-infested eyes with a rubber-gloved hand. Super.
11:54 p.m. Big shots by Silva. Alexander slips into unconsciousness. "This ambulance brought to you by Xyience," chirps Goldberg.
11:56 p.m. Silva "slowed Alexander's meteoric rise," says Goldberg. I swear, he's doing it on purpose now.
12:00 a.m. Time for the main event of the evening. Give UFC chairs credit: It took a lot of effort to meet expectations set by the Paul Buentello-Andrei Arlovski Jersey headliner at UFC 55, but they've done it.
12:06 a.m. Evans strolls in looking relaxed and confident, which might be redundant. I have yet to see a fighter enter, look around, then run back into the locker room.
12:09 a.m. Bisping enters to a chorus of boos. A fan yells out that the American version of "The Office" is better than the U.K. incarnation; Bisping decks him.
12:15 a.m. "Both of youse touch gloves," says the Jersey ref.
12:15 a.m. The fight begins. Takedown by Evans, but he had to work for it, and Bisping pops right back up. I'm impressed, as I expected Evans' size and wrestling aptitude to keep him down fairly easily.
12:17 a.m. Bisping continues to elude the takedown, but both fighters are expending lots of energy in the struggle.
12:18 a.m. Evans finally gets him down, then moves to side-control.
12:20 a.m. Round one ends. Not a blowout, but Evans scored with takedowns.
12:21 a.m. Bisping charges out in round two. Evans hefts him up and gets a big slam, angling to crack one of Bisping's ribs in the process.
12:24 a.m. Back on the feet, Bisping comes forward. He gets a takedown at the buzzer. Close, but one could argue Bisping was busier.
12:30 a.m. Round three, and Evans is landing on the feet. It winds up being a close round that could go either way, though Evans finished the fight in a dominant position.
12:34 a.m. "Great f------ fight," says the erudite White. It's a split decision for Evans. Both men thank a laundry list of sponsors. I thought that was verboten in the UFC.
All told, it was a stolid night of fights, with talented performers canceling out one another. Sometimes athletes are just too skilled for their -- or our -- own good.
For comments, e-mail [email protected]
At this rate, the UFC's first show at Madison Square Garden will be headlined by a taped replay of Ken Shamrock (Pictures)-Dan Severn (Pictures) II.
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9:55 p.m. Moments before the show begins, customers are treated to a pre-fight barker program that tries desperately to attach meaning to the main event.
Struggling to keep a straight face, Dana White re-asserts that the
winner of Rashad Evans
(Pictures) and Michael Bisping (Pictures) will be a top-five light
heavyweight. I can immediately think of 10 205 pounders that have
accomplished more than Evans or Bisping, but I'll go along. Who can
you trust if not a promoter?
10:03 p.m. We're inside the freshly constructed Prudential Center in Newark, N.J. According to Wikipedia, Newark is the birthplace of Marvin Hagler, which is cool, and Ian Ziering, which is really not very cool at all.
10:04 p.m. "Bisping was rude at the weigh-ins," observes color commentator Joe Rogan. That animal!
10:05 p.m. Viewers are invited to contribute to a cell phone poll to gauge predictions for the somnolent main event. Thirty percent vote Bisping, 42 percent vote Evans and 28 percent are curious why an episode of "The Ultimate Fighter" is costing them $40.
10:06 p.m. "Houston Alexander (Pictures) is hoping to validate his meteoric rise," says a cliché-spouting Goldberg, the string on his back apparently stuck.
10:08 p.m. Frankie "the Answer" Edgar versus Spencer Fisher (Pictures) is coming up. Edgar is 7-0 and a hometown Jersey boy, which means he'll have approximately 14,000 more friends in the building than Fisher.
10:14 p.m. The Tale of the Tape is brought to you by Xyience, a company alleged to peddle tainted supplements and stiff fighters on sponsorship wages. One can imagine Larry Merchant having something to say about that, which is precisely why you'll never see the UFC on HBO.
10:16 p.m. Edgar is aggressive, scoring two takedowns and landing elbows. Fisher appears overwhelmed.
10:18 p.m. "No pun intended, but what's the answer for Edgar?" says Goldberg, who knows damn well that every pun of his is intended.
10:20 p.m. Round one ends. You could make the case it was 10-8 Edgar. Fisher mounted no offense whatsoever.
10:21 p.m. Fisher's corner helpfully advises him to continue the fight in another town.
10:22 p.m. Round two. Edgar gets a takedown. And another. And another.
10:27 p.m. Round two ends. Another 10-8 performance from Edgar?
10:31 p.m. Round three sees takedown No. 8. There have been more tackles in this fight than the 1992 Olympic Trials.
10:33 p.m. Fight's over. Edgar wins a decision in a workmanlike performance. One judge, seeing at least one of the rounds 10-8, scores it 30-26.
Another judge, Jersey-based, wrote "awesome" in the scoring box for Edgar and "sucks" in the box for Fisher, reinforcing the commission's need to screen officials better.
10:36 p.m. "Only 37 days until Christmas," threatens Goldberg, who urges viewers to buy UFC
I was in a sporting goods store recently and caught sight of an Everlast heavy bag emblazoned with the Ultimate logo; at $150, it was at a 100 percent markup from a standard-issue bag. Capitalism at its finest.
10:37 p.m. Trainer "Juanito Ibarra is sitting right next to Quinton Jackson (Pictures)," says Goldberg. Only it's not Juanito at all, but a random someone who might share Ibarra's Mexican heritage. Oops.
10:40 p.m. Continuing the tradition of rematches no one asked for (Horn-Sonnen, Eastman-Jackson, Herring-Nogueira, etc.), it's time for the Ed Herman (Pictures)-Joe Doerksen (Pictures) return engagement. (In fairness, Doerksen is a late replacement for the easily stricken David Terrell (Pictures).)
"Now I'm a full-grown man, so he's going to have his hands a little more full," says Herman, in a rather unfortunate choice of words.
10:44 p.m. Herman enters the arena sporting huge headphones, the kind normally seen on airline workers directing 747s through runways. He should've loaned them to Fisher.
10:47 p.m. Doerksen has "39 wins and 10 losses … he's got 49 victories," says Rogan, who then takes another lick of a Cane toad's belly.
10:49 p.m. The fight opens with a big exchange; Herman looks good putting combos together and mixing up his strikes.
10:52 p.m. Round one expires. An easy nod for Herman's aggression.
10:56 p.m. The fighters trade back mount in the most compelling scramble of the night.
10:58 p.m. Out of nowhere, Doerksen gets a tight triangle-armbar combination at the bell. Herman returns to his corner and listens to some salient advice from the numerous Tweety Birds surrounding his head.
11:00 p.m. Herman connects early in round three for the KO, making that almost-submission of Doerksen's all the more poignant.
11:03 p.m. Removing his mouthpiece, Herman displays a huge string of drool to the crowd, Alien Queen style. The crowd jeers in repulsion; even Herman seems a little grossed out.
11:05 p.m. We're given a preview of Forrest Griffin (Pictures)'s upcoming guest spot on "Law and Order." In a De Niro-esque bit of chameleon acting, Griffin will play a cage fighter.
How times have changed: used to be that the nadir of MMA mainstream appearances was a slot on "Walker, Texas Ranger," where Chuck Norris would deliver a lecture on morally responsible behavior shortly before kicking you in the groin.
11:08 p.m. Ryo Chonan (Pictures) wears a mask to the ring. That's considerate of him.
11:10 p.m. Karo Parisyan (Pictures) comes out to "Bad to the Bone," a recent top-10 hit in Armenia.
11:19 p.m. Five minutes in. Parisyan gets the nod for round one by staying busy and maintaining top position, but it's far from the spectacle some were predicting.
11:22 p.m. Round two: Parisyan catches a kick for a takedown, but Chonan pops right back up.
11:24 p.m. Another takedown by Karo. Elbows.
11:27 p.m. Groin kick by Karo, but no lecture.
11:29 p.m. Mount by Karo, but Ryo reverses. The crowd boos.
11:32 p.m. Fight's over. Karo nabs a 30-27 decision. He apologizes to matchmaker Joe Silva and, later, to the crowd for a lackluster performance.
I remain bummed that Karo's original opponent, judo animal Hector Lombard (Pictures), didn't make it. If it ever happens, I will pre-emptively declare it Fight of the Year.
11:35 p.m. Lightweight contender B.J. Penn (Pictures) is seen texting on his cell phone, presumably weighing in on Bisping-Evans.
11:38 p.m. Houston Alexander (Pictures)-Thiago Silva (Pictures) is up next. Rogan and Goldberg extort the virtues of Silva's jiu-jitsu and how Alexander will be tested.
11:42 p.m. Silva enters to Portuguese rap. The crowd, catching sight of the umpteenth ‘Silva' in the UFC, is distressed to see that he is neither black, possessed of a tattoo on his head or angrily crumpling up a note from David Terrell (Pictures)'s doctor.
11:46 p.m. Alexander enters. The man is a media profiler's dream: six kids, one donated kidney and a reformed break-dancer.
The crowd is behind him, eager to cling to the next invincible mauler now that Chuck Liddell (Pictures) has cooled. Rogan emphasizes Alexander's "power-lifting" physique and immense strength, which stopped being an asset in MMA right around 1995.
11:51 p.m. Haimov Watches sponsors the first round. This is getting a bit ridiculous.
11:52 p.m. Alexander bucks expectations by clinching with Silva. He scores a takedown, but Silva gets up and gets one of his own.
11:53 p.m. Silva gets mount. In the background, a ring official rubs his bacteria-infested eyes with a rubber-gloved hand. Super.
11:54 p.m. Big shots by Silva. Alexander slips into unconsciousness. "This ambulance brought to you by Xyience," chirps Goldberg.
11:56 p.m. Silva "slowed Alexander's meteoric rise," says Goldberg. I swear, he's doing it on purpose now.
12:00 a.m. Time for the main event of the evening. Give UFC chairs credit: It took a lot of effort to meet expectations set by the Paul Buentello-Andrei Arlovski Jersey headliner at UFC 55, but they've done it.
12:06 a.m. Evans strolls in looking relaxed and confident, which might be redundant. I have yet to see a fighter enter, look around, then run back into the locker room.
12:09 a.m. Bisping enters to a chorus of boos. A fan yells out that the American version of "The Office" is better than the U.K. incarnation; Bisping decks him.
12:15 a.m. "Both of youse touch gloves," says the Jersey ref.
12:15 a.m. The fight begins. Takedown by Evans, but he had to work for it, and Bisping pops right back up. I'm impressed, as I expected Evans' size and wrestling aptitude to keep him down fairly easily.
12:17 a.m. Bisping continues to elude the takedown, but both fighters are expending lots of energy in the struggle.
12:18 a.m. Evans finally gets him down, then moves to side-control.
12:20 a.m. Round one ends. Not a blowout, but Evans scored with takedowns.
12:21 a.m. Bisping charges out in round two. Evans hefts him up and gets a big slam, angling to crack one of Bisping's ribs in the process.
12:24 a.m. Back on the feet, Bisping comes forward. He gets a takedown at the buzzer. Close, but one could argue Bisping was busier.
12:30 a.m. Round three, and Evans is landing on the feet. It winds up being a close round that could go either way, though Evans finished the fight in a dominant position.
12:34 a.m. "Great f------ fight," says the erudite White. It's a split decision for Evans. Both men thank a laundry list of sponsors. I thought that was verboten in the UFC.
All told, it was a stolid night of fights, with talented performers canceling out one another. Sometimes athletes are just too skilled for their -- or our -- own good.
For comments, e-mail [email protected]
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